is this a joke?

i really really apologize for my lack of blogs lately. i have been busy with real life adult problems. all of them i will discuss right now - as i have had time to "deal"

i got a phonecall the other night (this is not a joke) from a man named marco. marco used to be a comedy club booker and now has his own new/awesome club in the east village appropriately called 'Eastville.' through some comedy friends (thomas dale) i got the opp to do one of marco's shows last week at his new club. i was pumped. however due to shit weather and zero audience we had to cancel. that's not the bad news, though....

so the other night i received a missed call - it was a 212 so i immediately had to call back. this is how it went down

marco-hello?
christi- hi... oh, is this marco??
M-yeah this is the number at the club (i only have his cell)
C- (immediately becoming cool and funny) oh hey!
M-can you be at the comedy club in an hour?
C-noooo, i can't! i'm so sorry i'm working in east hampton. why, what's up?
M-ah i need a barker for the show tonight(a barker is someone who stands outside the club b4 the show to sell tickets. this gets you more stagetime at a lot of clubs. you can do "barker" shows or "bringer" shows. bringers you just have to bring people. OR you can be like me (sometimes) and get booked for pro shows where all you have to do is so up and bring the funny) C-ohhh no. i'm so bummed! i wish i could. thank you so much for calling me, though. please me in mind for future shows
M- yeah its too bad we had a great lineup too...
C-oh yeah, who do you have?





wait for it.

M- SARAH SILVERMAN



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SARAH SILVERMAN.
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there was NO WAY i could have been back in nyc intime for the show. thus i missed the chance to be an opener for ....sarah silverman. that's right. performing in the same show. as sarah. silverman. i'd be lying if i told you i didn't cry about it. but i made lemonade. it's awesome just to be next in line for that. and i guess i wasn't mean to be? i couldn't afford the 6,000$ helicopter so i didn't have a choice. yes the opp could have changed my life. but wtf... right? no big deal.

i'm crying right now.

while i'm sobbing i'm quickly going to address last weeks cover of US WEEKLY. idk if any of you saw it..... jennifer love hewitt lost 18 lbs and apparently it had NOTHING to do with the mean comments made about her bakini bod that was plastered all over every tabloid a few months ago..... i have 2 fucking works for you jennifer love suckitt- BULL SHIT.
sure it had nothing to do with the fact that u were ripped apart for having a little extra junk in the trunk. and after all that she came out with the whole 'i love my body. i love my curves. i'm a woman' SHIT. nice example u celebretard. way to tell the truth. you're just like the rest of them. skinny little twigs. what ever happened to shapely woman being considered beautiful??? we need some more kardashians up in US. they are hott. AND they're not little sticks.

alright i've gg i had a HUGE dinner..... 3 cornflakes and an apple. im gg throw it up and then take a pilates class.

christi