hold my earrings


i decided to make my blog less of a journal and more of a -something that's NOT a journal. it occured to me recently that readers may not care to hear the play by play details of my life. instead they want to hear the juicy stuff. the DIRT, of you will. well i've got it. dirty filthy disgusting dirt. get ready to reach for a bottle of sanitizer bc you're gonna need it after reading this germ-infested blog.

i had a little run in with some hampton hoes last week. HH. hampton-hoe. the family i babysit for has a house in east hampton so i go out there every week for a few days. apparently the 'locals' there have beef with the 'non-locals' hense, i tend to get yelled at wherever i go. i think i stand as the only girl who doesn't shop at calypso. BOGUS remarks like 'GO BACK TO NY' are directed my way. so one night my boss suggested after a long days work i take their car and explore the town. they suggested this cool bar so i thought "ok" MADNESS ENSUED.

peep the scene. i pull up to where i thiink the bar is in their Cadillac escalade (nice) and slow down to peep the area. a pack of HH (about 9) are standing in front of where i think the bar is. i hear 'GO BACK TO NYC' and i am angered. i spot a parking spot just a few cars up. i get out of the car. i SLAM the door very dramatically. almost as dramatically as i am telling this story.

me-were u just talking to ME? (said very much like in the movies)
HH-yeah (with no expression. a few girls giggling)
me- what is it with you hamptons people?? (really, christi?) all i want is to go to a bar and you're going to deprave me of that?? (way to go)
HH-yeah we don't want u at this bar. (way more assertive than i had mentally anticipated)
me-(exiting realizing that i am outnumbered and would cry if they tried to fight me) whatever i don't want to go to your stupid bar anyways.

i immediately regretted every decision i made during that conversation. on the drive home i thought of about 17 way cooler things i should have said. something other than 'what is it with you hamptons people?' or 'i dont want to go to your stupid bar anyways' my cooler responses contained more curse words and a more sure-of-myself-city-girl attitude. it also involved me throwing one of my target flipflops at their heads and running for the car, hoping the month i spend running track in high school would have paid off.

i go back to the hamps tomorrow. and this time... if a HH even so much as LOOKS at me the wrong way..... i'll tell the kids to shield their eyes and beat the living crap out of them. hold m earrings.