beyonce

for the past week i have been on a rollercoaster ride of emotion. and not the fun rollercoasters where you just go upside down in multiple loops but the awful ones with the big hills that make your stomach hurt.

i feel like :::i'm walking in the rain, without an umbrella.

and that's funny to me because earlier this afternoon on the commute from BROOKLYN to INWOOD (on the bus*refer to first blog to read more about my relationship with the bus*), i was indeed walking in the rain without an umbrella and honestly, i don't think i hate anything more. not so much the feeling of the rain pelting against my face..... just the knowledge that i am making the stupidest most painful and unattractive face ever whilst that's happening. THAT'S what bothers me. i can feel wet, as long as i still look adorable. but even that wasn't happening.

i woke up at gary's apt this morning and BAM. CYSTIC PIMPLE. ABOVE LIP.
idk if that's how you spell cystic. sistic. systic. idk.. but i had one. and it hurt. .... so naturally i put on my new expensive coverup (bc i buy nice makeup now because i'm an actor and my "face" is my "calling card") but the f-ing rain washed it away so i was a nasty mess.

:/ <-my face this morning on the bus while eating cookies. fatty. my family/friends/bf call me "little debbie" bc i love to snack!

last night i saw a killer roach at gary's apt but i didn't tell him it was a killer one bc i knew it would give him the heebyjeebies. he hasn't really seen any roaches in his place until recently and he doesn't know how to deal yet. naturally i mean, wtf. im thinking maybe some nasty neighbors are doing some renovations so they roaches are moving into gary's apt. he might read this though and then find out that the roach was a killer. then he might grow upset with me. it wasn't really that big though but it might have been?? i threw it in the trash. it's hysterical to me how brave i am with that now. i saw the killer. and i tried to hide it from gary and do a wicked stealty removal roach operation but i cracked. god i am so brave now! when i was living in rhode island i would seriously cry and get my dad to kill the moths that would sometimes fly into my room. but now? i could seriously bitchslap a mouse and not even think twice about it.

i just did. i just slapped a mouse in it's face while i was writing this blog. again - not even thinking twice.

did you know that i hate animals?

i really do. not so much dogs (esp my dog = bella). but cats even? definitely.

i think drama is funny because it gives me something to write jokes about. people like to laugh at other's misfortunes. at an open mic i can't just talk about how GREAT my life is. trust me, i've tried. i mean i KNOW that i'm a ray of sunshine but others don't seem to enjoy me talking about it. they want me to get down the nitty gritty. standup is really very theraputic. and i think all standups are a little neurotic. all "artists" for that matter even though i feel silly when i use that word.

i dont even know WHAT i am writing about anymore. i ordered a ceasar salad about 1/2 hour ago where the fuck is that shit. im gg bitchslap a mouse.

will write soon!!!